My mother-in-law has been an Alzheimer’s patient for many years. I have sadly watched the disease rob her of her vitality and her remembrances.

I have known her intimately since I was 15 when I started dating her second son.

I ended up being the very first daughter-in-law, the outsider to enter her world.

She raised 3 sons and 1 daughter while cooking, cleaning, sewing, gardening, and singing in a gospel group with her husband and 3rd son.

Everytime I was at her house there was either something good already cooked and warm on the stove or she would whip something up in just a few minutes.

When my family first moved into the neighborhood, my husband-to-be used the skill of his Mother to entice me by bringing over a chocolate cake to welcome us to the neighborhood.

I was intimidated by her to say the least because she was good at all things. I felt very shy around her and was careful to mind my manners.

When my husband and I married with him being 20 and myself being only 17 I could feel a certain amount of disapproval behind her smiles but she was never unkind.

We immediately moved away as my husband was enlisted in the Air Force and stationed in Georgia. That move was probably the very best thing that could have happened to us as my mother-in-law still had small children at home and her life was very full and I was a floundering newlywed that lived too far away to become dependent.

We visited Livingston often and our two families were neighbors so visiting our families was very easy and convenient.

My husband got out of the Air Force in 1976 and we moved back to Livingston. Up until our return to Livingston I had been finishing high school at night, being a housewife, and birthing our very first baby son.

When we returned  to Livingston, our world as we had known it for 3 years rapidly changed. For financial reasons I was going to have to go to work and we were going to have to find a babysitter for our young son. I was so afraid to leave our son with just anyone that I wanted my mother-in-law to be our babysitter. She did babysit some but basically encouraged us to keep looking for another person to do it.

I was young, stubborn, and somewhat hurt that she wasn’t accepting our nudge to be our babysitter. All of that hurt was completely my fault as I see so clearly now…. her youngest child was just 7 years older than our firstborn! For goodness sakes I should have understood that but I didn’t at the time. I took it personal.

She so loved our firstborn as he was her very first grandchild and she was always his very favorite person besides us as his Mom and Dad and that relationship remained until the day he died.

Our second pregnancy brought twins and my Dad had died when I was pregnant with our firstborn and my Mom had remarried before the twins and she and my step-dad had moved away. Once again I needed lots of help as I was still working and raising my family and Granny was still raising her family and it was hard for me to understand. Once again, that lack of understanding was on my part.

I harbored resentment in my heart towards my mother-in-law during those years and was blind to the struggles that she was going through. My father-in-law had become sick and had to quit his job because he wasn’t able to do it anymore. Money was tight for them and she was just like the virtuous lady in Proverbs 31. She held yard sale after yard sales in her basement and worked a garden and sold vegetables. She was very frugal and I really don’t know how she did it but she could always stretch so little into so much.

By the time we had our 4th child I had pretty much developed the mindset that these 4 children were all ours and we had brought them into the world and they were our responsibility and my resentment towards my mother-in-law eased a lot.

For the very first time I began to understand and see my mother-in-law in a different light when I became a mother-in-law myself. A son and his Mom have a very special bond and when a new female comes into the picture it takes a lot of adjusting. The son always confides and seeks advice from his Mom and us Mom’s are used to jumping in, protecting, and directing him. We have to learn to let go and push him towards his wife and it’s a hard thing to do.

After my father–in-law died, my mother-in-law and I became much closer and honestly it was never her being distant but me feeling inferior. I was the one with the problem!

I can honestly say that she became my mother too and when she sold the homeplace and moved into an apartment I was right in there shoulder to shoulder helping.

My mother-in-law is a precious example to me. I have watched the Alzheimer’s slowly suck the life out of her and she is now stair-stepping downward towards her heavenly reward. Whenever God chooses to call her home I know He will welcome her in with the words …… My good and faithful servant…..

The special woman I call my other Mother gave to me the man that I love and I thank God for her. She is one awesome lady!