Someone asked me just this week to show them how to budget their money. I met with them for lunch and took my purple notebook which dates from February of 1990 until September of 1994. This blog is the story of my purple notebook. I keep it around now just to remind me of how hard our life was then and how far we have come now. The notebook has become an ebenezer moment of time in my life.

In the next few paragraphs I will explain to you how the purple notebook worked. Many people have heard of the cash in the envelope budget method. Basically, you total up all of your bills and make a separate envelope for each item and then you put the cash in the envelope to cover that bill when it comes due. I know of several people that use this method but for me I felt like that method would be unsafe to have that much cash laying around in our home.

Instead I came up with the notebook method. I started out by adding up all sources of income for us and using that as my beginning total. in February of 1990 all of our monthly income added up to 2,098.62. I would then take all of our bills and make a page for each bill. When I started out some of my bills were exactly the same each month but some of them were estimates and I just had to guess at them. Anything that was left over became my miscellaneous page. The way the system worked was that you could never spend over 2098.62 per month but if you ended up short on one page then you could borrow from another category as long as that page had an excess. Every night Mark, myself, and our 4 kids had to report to me any and all amounts that they had spent on that day. It was a lot and it took a lot of my time! After a few months had passed the budget became easier and we all adjusted and was aware of what it took for us as a family to survive.

As you can see above it didn’t take me long to realize that I was wasting paper in my notebook and I put the known amounts all on one page to save time. Above on our van payment you can see that I paid an extension fee that month as we were so broke that I was trying to free up some extra cash. Also, above you can see that I ended up having an overestimate for Pioneer Credit and for lunch money that month and those small amounts were moved over to the miscellaneous page which was our recreation and fun page and any extras that might pop up. Also, above you will notice on JC Penney that I did not pay the credit card balance but only paid 15.00 which got me into some debt trouble later with that and other credit cards that I owned. Not paying in full on a credit card is not a good financial move.

Before I go on and show you the last page in my notebook I want to tell you some things about our life at this period of time. Our 4 kids could have eaten free or reduced lunches all of their entire school years but we did not want to embarrass them in any way. Also, there was a day in our everyday life that we ran completely out of bars of soap and no money to buy even a bar of soap. I was very distraught and cried and prayed all morning that day. When the mailman came that same day he put an advertisement bar of soap in our mailbox. The brand was Irish Spring and I will remember that soap and my rejoicing as long as I live! It was one of the happiest days of my life because I knew that God cared about me and my little family!

I used to bake and decorate birthday cakes for people during this time, I sewed Cabbage Patch doll clothes and sold at the Needle Nook on the square in Livingston. Me and our twins bid on the cleaning job at our church and got paid 25.00 per week to clean the church. Danny and Mark bid on the mowing at our church and I think got 40.00 per week to mow. Danny worked at DQ in Livingston and then on to Save-a-lot, Rachel and Melinda started out babysitting and then on to the donut shop on church street and later to a nursing home in Algood. Matt worked at DQ and later McDonald’s. Our kids pulled the load just like we did and they knew all about our problems.

On the ball bus after games when Rachel and Melinda played on the high school team, Coach Looper would always stop after away games at some dairy bar or snack shop. Rachel and Melinda and two other girls would always stay on the bus and say that they weren’t hungry. Coach Looper eventually figured out what was going on and one night said to the four of them, ” you girls don’t have any money, do you?”.

I could go on and on but I will stop here. You all get the gist of it all.

Above is the last page recorded in my notebook( September 1994). There were hard times after that but not as severe. I have never forgotten those days of the purple notebook and it has affected me continually the rest of my days. I have used these hard years in my life to notice and help people in my path each and every time the knowledge becomes known to me. Some people think I am a little nuts I guess but they haven’t lived through what I have lived through. God has been so faithful to me all of my life and I just want to share this to let you know if you are in dire straits that He can help you too. Share your gifts, your knowledge and your kindness! Don’t look back and say, “We made it” and then begin to hoard up everything you get from then on out! God doesn’t expect that from us.

Years ago when we bought our first home we had plans to only have 2 kids and stay in that starter home for 5 years. 8 years later we were still in that house and had 4 children and were bursting at the seams for lack of room.

We began to look for a bigger house. Mark and I were both raised on Upper Hilham road so of course we started our home search on that road. We ended up finding a home that we really liked but it was a repo home and the bank where I worked was the owner of it so we got turned down on buying that home as it would be unethical for an employee of said bank to buy a home that the bank had repossessed so our search continued.

We had started attending a church on Oak Hill road so we started looking for a home on the south side of our county more towards our church. We soon found a home that we really liked and we went to look over the land. Our first view of this property was in the early spring and the real estate lady walked us over the 7.4 acres and the whole back border of the property was a river. Right out from the back of the house was a sloping hillside and an overlook down to the level flat bottom land below and then the river. The first look I had of that bottom land was that it was full of yellow buttercups.

In my spirit that day as I looked over that bottom land that was bloomed out in gorgeous yellow buttercups, God spoke to me and told me that all of this would be mine someday. I said back in my spirit, “There is no way!” The price for all the property and the house was 69,900.00 which in that period of our life was way out of our price range. We loved it and the real estate lady knew that I especially loved it but we had to tell her no that we just couldn’t afford it.

I kept praying and we kept searching but nothing else was opening up for us. We had certain stipulations and they were:

1. Had to be outside the city limits but still close to town
2. Had to be in the community of our church
3. Had to have water and some trees as we wanted our kids to grow up like we had
4. Had to have enough acreage so that if one or all of our kids needed a small plot to put a trailer on or something that there would be room

About 6 months passed and we had looked and looked at houses and land and then one day our real estate lady called me. She asked if we were still looking and I said that we were but nothing was turning up. She told me that the house on Okalona was still available and that the lady had reduced the price. We went back and looked through the house once again and walked the property. At this visit we offered the lady 55,000.00 for the place and she turned us down. I was so broken hearted. We kept looking and once again nothing was opening up for us. I kept praying and praying and asking God to help us.

About 3 more months passed by and the real estate lady called us again. This time she had even more exciting news! The house and land that we loved was going up for auction as the lady that owned it had lost her husband to cancer and she wanted to move back to her home town and really needed to sell it. In the meantime my husband, Mark, had applied and was about to get a better paying job. Things were beginning to fall into place but our time was limited and if we were going to do this thing then we would have to move quickly.

We went before the bank officials where I worked and told them the situation. The little house that we were living in at present we still owed money on. The officials told us that we could bid on the new place but only up to 50,000.00 and not a penny more. If we got the bid then we had to auction off our present home in 30 days and for a short period of time they would let us owe for 2 houses and just pay the interest until our VA loan went through on the new place.

I had never attended an auction in my entire life and the day of the auction my husband was required to be at the factory at the same time to take a speed test as he was in the final stages of getting approved for his new job. I asked my cousin that was a lawyer to go with me to the auction and do the bidding for me as I didn’t know what to do.

The day of the auction the auctioneer started with the household items first. I had already told Mark that I really wanted a porch swing on this porch as I love swings and have lots of good memories at grandma’s house swinging in her swing. I also wanted a wood stove as the house had electric heat but also a chimney and a place in the basement for a wood stove.

I was able to buy the home’s swing at auction that day for 10.00 and the wood stove that had already been here for 40.00.

When the bidding on the house started I was standing so stiff and tall and looked like a statue! The bidding was going up and up but when my cousin got to 48,000.00 the bidding stopped and at first I didn’t realize that we got the place. Soon the realization soaked in and I began sobbing uncontrollably and the lady that owned the house was standing on the front porch and was leaning against one of the porch posts and I went over to her and thanked her and was a blubbering mess of emotions and still just crying my eyes out, she must have thought me nuts.

Within 30 days we had to be out of our old house and an auction had to take place. We staged our old house with all of our best furniture and lamps and moved all of our junkier stuff out here and Mark and I and our kids slept on the dining room floor. It was some of the happiest times of our young family’s life.

The auction of our old home took place 2 days before Christmas in 1985 and only 2 families showed up but one off those families bought our home. We had paid 21,000.00 for the place and it sold for 30,000.00 that day. We were thankful.

Matt, our youngest of 4, was only 2 years old when we moved here. We were completely moved in here by December 28, 1985 and Matt celebrated his 3rd birthday here on 12-31-85.

We built decks later and this particular swing sits diagonal for a reason as it views the Poston mountains on the other side of the river behind us. I love the Smoky Mountains and our view is spectacular just like being in the Smokies!

Every prayer I ever uttered in looking for a home is answered in this house and this land. I know without a doubt that God gave us this place just like He told me in my spirit that He would years ago.

I praise Him and I thank Him always!

Yesterday in traveling to my uncle’s funeral, I had turned on our local 9.20 AM WLIV radio station in my car as I love to listen to the country oldies on this station, Just a few minutes later an ad came on from Cookeville, Tennessee and it featured the voice of Drue Huffines.

That voice on the radio took me right back to my childhood days. I had already been thinking all week about how I grew up and about my uncle that just died and about my Daddy’s family.

In all of my growing up years there were two men’s voices that were staples in our home. The two men were Drue Huffines and Jack Woodward. Our local radio station used to come on the air super early in the morning. I am not sure of the exact time that it came on but just know that it was always blasting through the house when I got up.

The radio station had a segment called birthdays and anniversaries where you could call in and request a special song to be played for your loved ones or you just give their names and whatever song was played was their honorary song that morning too.

Every single year on my birthday morning, my Grandmother Hodges would call me bright and early and tell me to listen to my special birthday song on the radio. The first year after my grandmother died I remember being super sad that I would no longer hear her voice wishing me a happy birthday.

Another new segment on the radio that came later was a program sponsored by Winningham Hardware called, ” I’ve got your number.” A random household would be called and the person on the line would be asked a trivia question and if they got it right they would win the cash jackpot. Each unanswered question caused the jackpot to be more each time. The answer to the trivia question was posted each week in the hardware store. Shoppers were encouraged to come in and get the answer to the question and shop while they were in there. My uncle, James Hodges, was the very first person to be called on “I’ve got your number”

WLIV also had a live gospel singing segment every Sunday afternoon. My husband’s Dad, Mom, and brother Joel sang in a gospel group called “The Poston Family” and they would sing on the radio a lot on Sunday afternoon’s. Below is a video of one of their records:

Funny how you remember all of these things!

Before HIPAA and all of that, at midday on the radio you could hear who all was admitted to the hospital and who was discharged. Baby announcements and deaths were even on there too. Another program was the swap shop and you could call and list items or call the number on the advertised items and purchase things. Community events were announced on that radio station too.

The voices of Drue Huffines and Jack Woodward filled all of our homes and we felt like they were members of our own families.

When my husband went to Iraq at 50+ years after being activated with the Tennessee National Guard, someone mailed over a cassette tape of the swap shop. One day he was playing the cassette in the bunker when some of the guys walked in from a completed mission. When those guys heard the swap shop blasting throughout the bunker their eyes got big and they said, “How are you picking that up?”. My husband jokingly said by way of satellite. He said they all paused in their tracks and just listened. It was a real comfort to hear home.

I will always associate the voices of Drue Huffines and Jack Woodward with precious memories in my life and I just wanted to share a little bit of my thoughts on a very tender day in my life in driving to my uncles funeral.

(WLIV first aired on November the 26th of 1956 which was the year I was born!)

Psalm 34:18 KJV

The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit

I have several very dear friends and family members right now that are grieving so hard. Their tears are falling every single day! The above analogy is something that helped me so much when my son died and I share with others when I am asked to speak somewhere. I have even made bookmarks out of this analogy and handed out in groups. I don’t know where this analogy originated with me or know how I was given it. I just know that it came to me in a time in my life when I was desperate for help.

Grief never really stops. At first it is just like the above picture, the ball in the box is huge and you can’t even move without it bumping and hitting your pain button. A person can barely breathe during this time without hurting.

Over time the ball does get smaller but it never actually goes away but just is small enough that it bumps your pain button less and less.

My son died in 2013 and I still have days when out of the blue I will just smell a smell or hear another’s country sounding voice or see a redneck truck drive by with an American flag attached and my eyes will fill up with tears. I cannot control it or even know when it is going to happen. Most times at Christmas I will be in my kitchen cooking and blasting Christmas music. An old familiar carol will come on the Echo device and instantly it takes me back to years ago and a memory I made with my son. I will stop and have a good cry and then I will continue cooking.

My advice I give to you from my own hurts is to lean into God with all of your might. Grief has no time table or time limit. Everyone griefs differently and at a different pace. Don’t feel judged if it has been a very long time and you are still grieving.

What I do to help with grief is to search out people that are hurting in any form or fashion and step into their lives and give them a hand up, whether it be financial, a physical presence, a shoulder to cry on, or to just sit quietly and let them know that you care. In doing all of these things it will strengthen and help you just as much as them.

Another thing I do is try and rest properly, eat right, exercise, and attend my church. All of these things will sustain you in your darkest hours.

Just know my dear friends and family that I love you, pray for you and in time will see you smile again and know that God has carried you through this dark valley of Grief!