January 8th, 2013 was the worst day of my life! I lost my son on that day at the age of 37….. and I was the unfortunate person that found him.

I had been given an IPad for Christmas just a few weeks before and did not have a clue how to use it yet. All the settings were set to public.

All of my life when I was disturbed or really happy either one I would write it down. On the night of finding my son I just did what comes natural for me and wrote all of my emotions down….. what I thought was only going out on Facebook to close friends and family was going out to everyone as a public post.

I was putting my raw emotions out there for all to read. I was pretty embarrassed about this at first until I began to receive private Facebook messages from lots of people, young and old and with them expressing to me how my words were affecting them.

Later I was asked to speak at a few places such as church ladies groups and elementary schools. What started out as my raw emotions became a personal testimony and a ministry and eventually led into me writing this blog. I am also working on a book entitled, Losing a Son and Living with it.

Like the picture above says the greatest test of my faith was losing my son. I miss my son dearly and did not want him to die and have asked myself a million questions with the word WHY in front of them but in the end I have to Thank God for loaning me my son for 37 years and I appreciate every second I had with him.

I don’t want to give away my book so I won’t go into a lot of details here but I decided the best way to honor my son is to let him live on through my written words.

Please pray for me in this endeavor as I am nobody special by any means but just a willing vessel to be used of God.

It has taken me years of hurts, tears, pain, and sorrow to get to where I stand today and I can honestly say without a doubt that I could not have done it without God being by my side.

So to God tonight I say Thank You Lord!

I love this picture so much!

It is fall of the year here in Tennessee and the foliage is beginning to turn to the pretty shades of red, orange, and yellow. The sunflowers are full of the seeds that the birds all love and the temps are beginning to cool down.

It has been another busy summer, one of my busiest as now I am retired. My children made such fun of me as I took an early retirement and honestly I think they were more worried about my financial well being than I was.

It has been 2 years into retirement now and I absolutely love it! I still get up early most every day and I busy myself with doing something, whether it is for someone else, for fun, or just for me. I love being able to make those choices!

I appreciate the life that I have and I thank God every day for letting me live it.

If you are in a rut or down trodden in any way I would suggest that you take a long hard look at your life and start listing all the good things that you have in it. If you need a good pick me up then go out and do something nice for someone. It will work every time to make you perk up and feel better.

You don’t have to do really big things in life but take care of the little details. Ask God daily to show you how to love others as He loves us. He will do it I promise!

Things will begin happening in your life and you will be so amazed.

Years ago we were really struggling financially. One of our daughters had just been diagnosed with a drop dead heart condition or so at that time we were told so. We went through agonizing months and months of trying different doctors and seeking a cure. Even though we had insurance our bills were astronomical!

During this trying time we got almost 3 house payments behind and to say we were struggling was an understatement!

On one particular day that I will speak of, our daughter had a doctor’s appointment in Nashville and I loaded up all four kids and off we went for the appointment.

On this day our daughter received a very good report on her doctor visit and I decided we should celebrate by going over to a sister hospital in Nashville and visiting with a family back home who was there with their daughter who had been in a very serious motorcycle accident and basically was having to learn to talk, walk, and move all over again.

We arrived on the floor where the sick girl was and both of her parents were there that day. The dad and I had been in the same high school class and as I saw him standing in the corner of her hospital room I had so much compassion for their family in my heart.

As I said before we were almost 3 house payments behind and we had our tractor and bush hog up for sale but no one had looked at it. Anyway, all the money I had to my name was in my purse and it was a twenty dollar bill. Without even giving it a second thought I handed that twenty over to the Dad and said something like, ” I have been where you guys are and it is so expensive and I would rather give you this than bring flowers or something.”

After we left the hospital that day I was flying high and had joy in my heart for what I had just been able to do for this family…..joy that is until we all got in the van and started back home. Our youngest child sat right behind the driver’s seat on the way home and he kept saying right in my ear……..”why did you do that Mom, that was all the money we have?:….”what are we going to buy groceries with and eat?”. The more he said that behind me right in my ear, the more I began to have doubts rise up in my soul. I began to get scared but I never let on to my kids. I kept telling them that it would be fine and everything would work out. I was trying to will it to happen I guess.

We arrived back home and I was feeling pretty low by then and I saw a white piece of paper sticking out from our front storm door. I went over and pulled it out and it was a note from a man that we had never met but a mutual friend had told him about our tractor and bush hog for sale and he had come by that very day and said in the note that he was very interested and for us to call him.

We called and the man came back out and bought that tractor and bush hog and we got caught up on our house payments. I let our doubting child in on all of this development and just smiled like I knew it all along and pretended that I was never in doubt about it.

So, when you are feeling low, doubting the power of the good Lord, and have a doubting Thomas in your life, just put your face full force into your blessings and take in a deep breath as the little girl in the picture is doing. You will be amazed at the power of believing and trusting in God to work all things out in His way and His timing.

We make a choice each day and I say, CHOOSE JOY!

I wrote this article one day when someone that I had been really close to ended up not being the person that I thought that they were. I felt betrayed, fooled, angry, judgmental, and most of all disappointed.

I grew up in your typical Southern home and learned how to cook at a very young age.

God spoke to me several months ago while I was getting some dried beans ready to put on for supper.

I was LOOKIN my pinto beans that morning and getting them ready to be washed and put in the pot for cooking. What I mean by LOOKIN the dried beans is that I was going through them and would lay any half beans or dirt clods over to the side and put the good beans in the coriander to be washed and put on to cook.

When I finished LOOKIN my beans I looked at my pile of half beans and tiny little dirt clods that were laying there.

God spoke to me in my spirit and asked me why I put the half beans aside along with the clods because those beans are still good and not spoiled or rotten but just half of what they used to be.

I know about the dirt and God left that part alone but what I got from this was that sin is the dirt in our lives and we all have it. Yes, the sin does need to be purged from our lives but what about all the people that are half the person that they used to be?

Do we at times put these persons in the discard pile of life because we see no hope for them?

What does God see compared to what we see?……are we quick to judge, quick to give up, or quick to throw in the towel on these people?

God says that He is the creator and we are His creation (Genesis 2:7) In Psalm 139:14 it says that we are fearfully and wonderfully made (not just a certain few of us but all of us).

I felt pretty ashamed of myself that day and also very judgmental. We are not the judge and also we never really know another person’s heart or their story. But by grace we could be that same person under different circumstances.

To this day every time that I look my beans before putting a pot on,  I think of this lesson that God brought to my attention that day.  I come up with the message that we are just supposed to love and pray for these people that hurt us and let the good Lord be the judge over them.

I have learned something in the last several weeks since starting to write this blog. My mind’s eye is always seeing things in the perspective of something to write about.

This morning when singing the song Near the Cross at church a certain line jumped off the page at me. Here is the song and the line that I will write about tonight is the second line of the refrain:

Be my glory ever! What does that mean exactly?

This song touches my heart every time I hear it because it was the invitational song that was sang on the Sunday night that our oldest son became a Christian. Every time I hear this song I tear up as our son passed from this life in 2013. Today was no exception to that fact and my mind raced to memories of our son and then the second line of that refrain jumped out at me like it had never done before.

You see our son was a high school football player and he was known for his tackling strength. He was tall, slim, and very good looking. His senior year of high school and his playing football became in his mind his glory days for the rest of his life.

My husband was activated with the Tennessee National Guard to go to Iraq at age 52 and his time in Iraq has become his glory days.

I know other friends and family that have accomplished such things as Fairest of the Fair, Ms. Basketball, Mr. Football, City Mayor, County Judge, Marathon runners, Photographers, Coaches, Doctors, Dentists, Veterinarians, and the list goes on and on.

I personally glory in birthing and raising 4 children and probably talk about that more than anything else. I wear the badge of motherhood proudly!

We all glory in something whether we choose to admit it or not. Today as I sang that song what jumped out at me was In the Cross, In the Cross, Be My Glory Ever!

All of our earthly things that we accomplish are all good and we should be proud of them but the ultimate glory in our lives as Christian people should be that we know Jesus and that we know that he died on a cross to save us from our sins…….that huge event should be the Ultimate Glory Day that we relish and remember forever!

Today, after spending the day yesterday with our youngest grandson, I am inspired to write about how we walk.

He is a new walker and just began to take his first steps at the first of September.

He still walks somewhat like a penguin and has a hard time balancing himself. He also tries to go way too fast according to his ability and is always running into something and getting hurt.

Last night what inspired me the most to write this was the fact that he was trying his hardest to walk forward but was holding a blanket and it was dragging under his feet and he was basically standing and stepping on it the whole time he was trying to walk forward. He was getting so angry because he could not walk but could not see that the blanket he was carrying was the culprit.

In watching his struggles it got me to thinking about how we as Christians try so hard sometimes to walk in God’s way. We really have the best of intentions but may have a burden we are carrying or unforgiveness in our hearts towards someone.

I remember a time that I had some really angry thoughts towards someone. The emotions were eating my lunch so to speak. I knew in my mind that what I was carrying around was wrong but in my heart I felt justified to be doing so.

I was in my office at work one day and a co-worker came in and asked me if I was alright. I quickly answered, NO! I said to her that I am so angry that if I can’t figure out a way to get this out of me it is going to destroy me.

After several weeks had passed of laying awake at night being angry I decided to ask God to help me. I basically said to God that I could not under my own power forgive this person and that it was eating me alive. I asked God to help me forgive. It took a while but it did happen and this person is in my life today in a vital role.

Isaiah 41:13 (KJV) reads like this:

For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.

Our little grandson walks just fine when one or both of us hold his hand. He is confident and can even step up steps and move fast and not get hurt. It is when he is walking alone that he struggles as it is all a learning process.

As my husband and I were helping him walk up our basement steps yesterday I said to my husband that our grandson will probably be running up those same steps by next year.

We as adults are the same way. The more we struggle walking and lean on God to help us the better we get at it and what used to be such struggles become easy and the burden becomes light.

How many times in our life do we struggle and try to carry our burdens and our heartaches all alone? Are we walking around angry all the time? Do we hurt ourselves and others? We need to ask ourselves these questions.

It is not the walk that gets us but the way we walk that counts!

I probably should have written this article first as I feel it is one of my most important learned lessons.

As I have mentioned in previous articles, I, nor my family have been spared when it comes to tragedy, hurt, or heartache.

I learned a valuable lesson years ago by a former pastor by the name of Carroll Phillips. I told Brother Phillips that every single time that I felt like I was trying my hardest to do something for God that something bad would happen to me or my family. The incident would knock me off track and cause me to look at my circumstances instead of doing whatever it was I was trying to accomplish for the Lord.

Brother Phillips explained it to me like this….. Anna, whenever you are going forth out of your household to do a work for the Lord it is like you are going out the front door and leaving the back door open. I looked puzzled and he explained further. He said when you venture out in faith that you should always pray really hard beforehand and ask God to put a hedge of protection around you, your spouse, and all of your household.

I looked up praying a hedge of protection in the Bible and it is listed many, many times.

Satan is just waiting for us a lot of times to step out and try and do a work for God so he can come in the back door of our lives and cause havoc.

It all made sense after that and now I am very cautious. I suffered many vicious attacks from Satan when I was younger. He would start out with something and if that didn’t work he would move on to something more hurtful and harsh.

We have great power in the Lord to fight these attacks. We need to pray very earnestly in the name of Jesus and make sure we close our back door as we go out in the front.

Spiritual warfare is real and we need to be more aware and more serious about the tools we have to fight with!

Tonight my husband and I grabbed a quick burger and drove to the site of our local high school Football Homecoming parade. We parked the car by the edge of the road and we waited for the parade to start.

Across from us were a group of teenagers and grandparents waiting and the song blasting through the air was a remake of our same 70’s high school song way back in the day.

My mind went racing backwards to my very own freshman high school Homecoming day and the excitement of making our float and knowing that my dad was going to pull the float with his old ratty jeep.

It was so much fun! We goofed off all day and the parade was in the afternoon. Later we had the huge bonfire and the snake dance from the school all the way to the town square and back. Of course then there was the big game and the escorting and crowning of the queen.

And oh, the band! My husband had played in that band and the sounds and the lights reflecting off those football helmets was a sight to behold!

Yes, this is hometown tradition and I love it! There is something about little hometowns where everyone knows everybody else and we share our lives together.

We parked beside our local dentist and his wife who had been our son’s kindergarten teacher 30 years ago. We reminisced about the turtle our son brought to school for show and tell and how the teacher brought it home to us over the weekend because she was afraid it was going to die on her watch.

We saw our fellow classmates there tonight snapping pictures of their grandchildren. It was amazing!

I pray that this tradition never ends in our little town and that we hold it near and dear to our hearts because this is the stuff that America is made of.

Go Hogeye!

Today was such a good day! We decided to take our 8 year old grandson to The Ark Encounter in Williamstown Kentucky.

Little man had recently given his heart to Jesus and we felt like the life size replica of Noah’s ark would be a visual that he would always remember.

My husband and I had both had similar experiences growing up as we watched the epic Ten Commandments movie with Charlton Heston. The big screen brought the Bible Story to life and we cherish that movie to this day.

This morning as we arrived to pick him up our daughter had only mentioned the 3 1/2 drive we had to make but did not tell him where we were going as we had asked her previously not to. He was concerned that he would need his tablet for such a long drive. I immediately told him that we were going to spend the day unplugged. I also told him that we were going to give him clues along the way and see if he could guess where we were going.

The idea of clues and making a game worked and we were on our way.

First stop was Dairy Queen and some breakfast together. We enjoyed that very much and told him that this day was all about him.

The full tummy, a pillow, and my soft velour blanket in the back seat soon lulled him fast asleep.

We had already discussed lunch and decided we would stop just before we got there as the food inside might be very expensive.

We stopped for lunch and he was curious about coffee and I gave him a couple of sips and he grinned continually and acted as if it immediately made him hyper. It was so funny!

He really opened up in the car the rest of the way and we had wonderful discussions about God, Noah, Jesus, and Satan.

A classmate had told him that at age 14 you get a free ticket to heaven…. I got that straightened out and then he told me that he didn’t think Satan was real. I explained all of that. My husband chimed in too and the questions we got were very interesting but very sincere. I felt honored to be given this day with him. There were funny moments too like when we discussed Noah’s sons; Shem, Ham, and Japheth and he said Japheth was a funny name and my husband said maybe Noah was hair lipped and couldn’t pronounce Jacob. I about choked on that one!

The weather was gorgeous, the ark was spectacular, the workers were so nice and our little boy of the day just made our day! The joy and excitement of learning and seeing this Bible story come to life through the eyes of an 8 year old boy is a day I will always cherish.

I highly recommend a day at The Ark Encounter but most of all I recommend spending a day unplugged, conversing with a child.

Matthew 19:14King James Version (KJV)

14 But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven.

When I was in my thirties I attended several weeks of a Bible study on the Holy Spirit. As the study was nearing it’s end, one of our instructors told us to go home and seriously think all week about what we would desire most from the Lord if we could ask Him for one thing in our life. We were told not to discuss this with our spouse, children, or any other person but just to pray and really commune and ask God for this desire of our heart. We were told that on the last night of the study we would be called up to the altar individually and could kneel and pray silently about this request. No one but God was to hear or know our request.

On the last night of the study as I was called up to pray silently about my request one of the instructors came over and knelt beside of me and said, “Anna, I have a word from God for you”….he continued on and this is what he said…..” The Lord says that you have joy but that it is your own joy, he wants you to release your joy and let His Joy come in.”

I was so dumbfounded because the request that I had prayed about all week was for God to give me a constant JOY in that no matter what came my way I could face it. Up until this point in my life, my spiritual life and my emotions were like a roller coaster ride. I had extreme highs and desperate lows. I was a worry wart and a person that fretted over the smallest problems. I actually hated that about myself and that is why I asked God to change me. So you can easily now see why the WORD from God had blown me away.

I rushed home that night and had to tell my husband and even had him ride back down to the church with me to talk to the two instructors but they were already gone and everything was locked up.

I believed these two men to be real huge servants of God and I was excited and amazed and could not wait to see how God was going to change me!

Over a span of probably two years after this I had nothing but tragedy, heartache, and hurt in my life. It was not your usual things but horrendous things like: Our first granddaughter died from SIDS at less than two months, the father of this granddaughter was stationed in Korea with the army and saw his daughter for the first time laying in her casket, this same son two weeks later was crossing a train track with a friend and was hit by a train…..our son lived but his passenger died, the list goes on and on but some things are so hurtful that I cannot even write about them.

I had prayed for JOY and got nothing but sadness, hurt, and heartache. I did not know what was happening in my life. We were labeled as the bad luck family and it was so many things that if it had not been true it would seem almost comical. It was ridiculous!

Our pastor and his wife one night felt so sorry for my husband and I that they wanted to take us out to eat to console us and show us how much they cared. They picked us up at our home during a horrible rain storm and their windshield wipers broke on the way to the restaurant. We all four had a laugh about it but in my heart it was not really funny.

Looking back now after all of these years I know that God was working a huge work in me and my heart. The prayer that I had prayed so many years ago was happening in me. Even though I received all hurts, God was the lily in all of my valleys and was with me through it all.

I love the song, ‘Tis So Sweet To Trust in Jesus, because of the part that says I have proved him o’er and o’er. I really have proved Him so many times and by that proof I can honestly say that my prayer of a constant JOY was answered.

My God is amazing and a keeper of His word! I feel very honored and privileged now to have gone through the hard things because I feel that when bad things happen to you it places you on the center stage of life and all eyes are upon you. Tragedy gives you a chance to shine for God and show His glory if you so choose. Rather than whine in your troubles you can shine for Jesus!

Choose to find the JOY in the journey and you will never regret it I promise!

Today I walked to the mailbox to mail some bills and I walked past this tree. Our youngest brought this tulip poplar sapling home when he was in fourth grade and I can still see him and his Dad planting it right there beside the driveway. It seems like that small event happened just yesterday!

I, like everyone else in America, had been watching coverage of the shootings in Las Vegas today and as I walked to and from the mailbox I was thinking of how quickly life passes by and how fragile life really is.

The Bible says our life is like a vapor ( James 4:14). From the Living Bible translation it reads like this: ” How do you know what is going to happen tomorrow?” ” For the length of your lives is as uncertain as the morning fog……..now you see it; soon it is gone”

I am sure that most of the persons in Las Vegas were there to enjoy life, have fun, be with their families, and listen to music. I enjoy all of those things too. 

It seems life lately is all about projecting in the negative. It is doom and gloom everyday on the news, bitterness, anger, resentment and back biting. Fingers are pointing in all directions to say that everyone else is at fault. I am absolutely sick of the negative!

I was thinking today how quick we live and how quick we die and death can come at any given time to any of us as the Bible verse says. We are just like a vapor.

We all have circles that we revolve in. Yes, maybe we cannot make big changes on the world front but we can affect our little circle that we spin in. 

May we pray each day to be more Christlike, be more positive, and be more aware that our time here is short. We waste so much of the precious keeping our thoughts and eyes on the negative. 

I walked past that tree today and I thought, “My baby boy and his Dad planted that tree, it was just yesterday, or so it seems.” Now, that baby of mine is a grown man with a wife and two small children….where did the years go?

Let us make the very best of the time that we have. Let us make amends with our skeletons in our closets, heal the hurts we have caused, and love our fellow man like never before.

I believe that Christ is coming back very soon. Will we be standing tall with roots grown deep as this tulip poplar tree beside my drive? I sure hope so!