Today our first born granddaughter celebrates her 20th birthday. We won’t get to spend the day with her as she will be in heaven celebrating with Jesus and family that have already gone on.

Marlee was born in Oklahoma while our son was stationed in Korea with the army. Mommy was scheduled to deliver by C-section and since Daddy couldn’t be there for the birth I was asked to stand in for him in the surgery room.

I remember well the anxious drive we had from Tennessee to Oklahoma and how I feared I would not get there to the hospital in time and drove way too fast!

I did make it in plenty of time and never realized what a major surgery a C-section is until I had witnessed it firsthand that day. I was sitting at the head of my daughter-in-law and I could speak with her and see her face but the rest of her body was covered in blue drapes except for the stomach area and I stood there and watched as my first grandchild came into the world.

Marlee Marie was to be her name and the Marie part is also my middle name. I was as proud as a peacock to have Marlee be named after me! I had worked for month’s on a hand stitched quilt with a silky satin binding around the edges because I knew babies love that soft, silky feel!

I remember being scared when Marlee came out because they had a lot of trouble getting her to breath. The doctor took something that looked like a big clear suction cup and was tapping it pretty hard all over her chest as he had laid her over on a table. She got to crying real good then and my fears went away.

We stayed in Oklahoma a couple of days and then we brought older brother, Balee, and drove back to Tennessee. We were to take care of Balee a few weeks and then Brandi and Marlee were going to fly to Tennessee and meet up with Balee.

Soon after Brandi and Marlee arrived it was coming up Easter Sunday. Rachel went out and bought Marlee a beautiful Easter dress! We spent a wonderful Easter that year!

In a few more days Brandi’s sister drove to Tennessee and picked Brandi, Balee, and Marlee back up to drive them back to Oklahoma. I remember crying when they left and saying to Mark but no one else that I would never see Marlee again alive. It was the weirdest thing but I had this terrible gut feeling. On the night of June 1st my gut feeling became a reality. Our precious little granddaughter died from SIDS. I had had an heirloom christening gown made for her and she was buried in that gown. The beautiful quilt that I had made with the silky edging was draped on an easel at the head of her little casket. The first time our son got to see his baby daughter was in her casket. I hurt so bad for him and I hurt for all of us!

Yesterday I was thinking about Marlee and wanting to honor her tonight by writing about her. I was researching grief and also comforting Bible verses pertaining to grief.

I read something that I had never thought about before. A woman that loses a husband is called a widow. A man that loses his wife is called a widower. A child that loses their parents is called an orphan but there is not a word for a parent or parents that lose a child. I think there is not a word for it because there is not any word that can really describe it!

I also read today that 80 percent of couples that lose a child end up splitting up. That is a really high percentage folks!

I looked through the verses and this verse seemed to fit the most:

• (2 Cor. 1:5) “For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too”

It took me a very long time to get over Marlee’s death and the flowers you see in the shadow box with her little dress are the flowers I picked from off her casket and held in my hand all the way on the plane flying home and in the car driving from Nashville.

Today Marlee turns 20 and I have wondered many times what kind of person she would have been and what she would look like. It’s human nature to wonder things but I don’t second guess God and His infinite wisdom. I find comfort in knowing that God knows my heart, He knows me, and He knows how I love Marlee Marie. Happy Birthday Marlee!